SHIVER BOOK ONE Read online

  Maybe because my life would never be as simple as hers, I loved my best friend more than anything and I would have done anything for her but she didn’t know what it was like to have a mother who you wanted more than anything to love you, what it felt like to have everyone looking at you all the time as if you were a mess, to never really be loved. As much as I couldn’t stand Jackson, he still loved her in his own fucked up way, you could see it a mile away.

  And me? Well, I had never been worthy of anyone’s love.

  Except for my father’s.

  Still, I couldn’t help but think that if I had been more like Emery, I might have found someone to make me feel whole by now. But I wasn’t like her and I never would be, I was a mess. I was loud and bold and refused to be the submissive version of myself that everyone fucking wanted me to be. Which was exactly why I hated myself for wanting Pierce’s approval and attention so damn much. A girl like me was nothing more than an annoyance to something like him.

  I hated all these thoughts for coming rushing back the second Pierce revealed himself, it had been three weeks of those insecure and awful thoughts being pushed to the back of my mind, and one look at him and they came rushing back. His presence had a way of trying to bring out the version of myself I never wanted to be. I was stronger than that. Better than that. I didn’t need anyone to love me besides myself. I had learned that a long time ago.

  I looked back at his glowering eyes and shoved my hands into his chest as I tried to push past him again, ignoring the part of me that wished he would put his hands on me again, the part of me that wanted to acknowledge how safe I felt with him near me. “Why am I so difficult? Why? Do I have to spell it out for you, Pierce? It’s because I fucking hate you!” I knew I didn’t mean the words even as I said them but it was too late to take them back and I wouldn’t have even if it were possible. I had to do what I had to do to get Pierce out of here, I was just escaping my old life, I didn’t need him around reminding me of it.

  The small amount of rage that had started to calm reappeared instantly at my words and he wrapped one of his large hands around my wrist and held it against his chest before pushing my body back again and pinning me against the wall. Neither of us spoke for a few seconds, heat and panting flowing between the two of us as we stared each other down.

  Finally, Pierce smirked; as if I were ridiculous. “You hate me, huh? That’s fine with me.” He shrugged. “I mean; you hate everyone, right, Morgan? You walk around with the biggest chip on your shoulder, acting like a spoiled fucking brat. It must be easy to hate everyone when you’re so damn superior?”

  “You’re calling me superior?” I spat back. “What a fucking joke.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Watch your fucking mouth, princess.” He tightened his grip on my hands and moved even closer to me. “So, you hate me, you hate my brothers, do you hate Emery, too? Is that why you left without even telling her goodbye?” He titled his head to the side when he saw the pain in my eyes and turned the knife even more. “She’s doing awful, by the way, some pretty awful shit has gone down since you walked out like it was nothing.”

  If he only knew how hard it was to leave. I fucking had to.

  “Is she okay?” I whispered, trying to ignore the water behind my eyes.

  “Do you even care?” he challenged me.

  I dug my nails into his skin. “Of course, I care.”

  “She’s fine,” he said after a few more seconds of silence, his eyes were lingering on my lips, taking in the thickness of my red lipstick. “You know Jackson would never let anything happen to her.”

  I did know. He loved her that much.

  I longed to know what it felt like to have someone love you so intensely.

  I forced my eyes downward, tired of making eye contact with Pierce. It felt like he could look right through me when he was this close to me; like he could read every single thought that went through my mind. I couldn’t stand it. “I know he wouldn’t.” It wasn’t a glowing endorsement for her possessive big brother but it was all he was going to get from me.

  Pierce leaned his face closer to me, making it hard for me to breathe. “Did you fuck any of these guys, princess?” His voice sounded husky and deep, the stubble of his shadow brushing against the side of my neck as he got his scent all over my skin and rested his free hand on the side of my hip.

  His question startled me and I jumped backward a few inches, banging my head into the back of the wall. “What the hell kind of question is that?” My pulse was picking up, causing rapid flutters in and out of my body. He had never asked me anything like that before, not in all the years I’ve known him. Why the heck was he doing it now?

  His jaw tensed against my skin. “A valid one.”

  “Why?” I shot out, still stunned.

  He pulled his head away from my body and narrowed his eyes, taking both of my hands and pushing them down to the side of my body. “Because I want to fucking know, Morgan. Did you let one of these sleazy pieces of shit shove their cock inside of you? Huh?”

  I studied the look on his face and thought if I said yes he might have killed someone. I had never seen him so on the verge of snapping before. It reminded me of the way Jackson got with Emery; possessive and crazy. Was he jealous? He couldn’t be! I hated the part of me that wished he would be.

  “Answer me or I swear to God I’ll rip this place apart, Morgan.”

  “Jesus Crist, you psycho,” I snapped, pushing him away from me. He didn’t have to say it again for me to know he meant it. I had seen way too much being Emery’s best friend, I knew how dangerous the Lucas brothers were when they were pissed off. “No, okay? I didn’t.”

  I hated giving him the satisfaction but it was better than him getting the cops called on the both of us. I couldn’t fuck this job up. I needed this job. It was the only thing keeping my parents safe at the moment.

  He let his eyes drift down to the spot between my legs as if he could tell just by looking at my pussy. I slapped his chest. “Jesus, Pierce, I didn’t! Can you stop being such a bastard?”

  “I don’t want you working here anymore,” he declared.

  I closed my eyes. “That’s not up to you.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “No. It isn’t.”

  We stood there for a few more seconds, stuck in a silent stand still. This was the way it always ended between the two of us. Pierce wanting me to do something and me fighting like hell to prove just how unwilling I was to do it. Most of the time I would end up caving, not because he was right, but because he was stubborn as fuck and it was easier than fighting with him all night.

  But this was different. I wasn’t back home anymore. This situation was different. I couldn’t afford to fuck it up. And every second Pierce stuck around was one second closer and closer to that happening.

  “Morgan,” the gruff voice came from the back of us. “What the fuck happened out there?” Mark, my manager, sounded livid. “I have a room full of men pissed off that they didn’t get to see the climax of the show.”

  I felt Pierce instantly tense against me.

  Shit. No. No. No.

  A few more words and Pierce would knock Mark out cold.

  “It was just a misunderstanding, Mark,” I said, using all the aggression I had left in my body and shoving my palms against Pierce’s arms to slip away from him. “I slipped and this gentleman helped me but I’m ready to get back out there now.” I shrugged out of Pierce’s jacket.

  “Forget it,” Mark snapped. “Cherry already went out there to pick up your slack. You’ll have to do three more dances tonight to make it up for me. Now get to your lap dance shift, we have a lot of VIP’s tonight.”

  “Right, got it.” I started moving but Pierce grabbed my arm. “Let go,” I hissed.

  “Hey, buddy, no touching the girls,” Mark snapped.

  I saw Pierce’s hand clutch at his sides and I shook my head. “’Pierce, don’t, or I swear to God I’ll never talk to you again.” Please, don
’t let him cause a scene. Not here, not when my parent’s future is on the line.

  Mark frowned. “I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend.”

  “I don’t,” I said, keeping my eyes on Pierce.

  “Then get to the VIP section for your lap dance shift,” Mark sighed.

  Pierce dug into his pocket and shoved a handful of hundred dollar bills into Mark’s chest. “Considered her VIP shift paid for.” He pushed past Mark toward the VIP room at the back of the club, dragging me behind him. “You want to dance so damn bad, Morgan?” Pierce called over his shoulder, his eyes looking dark and dazzled. “You can dance for me.”

  My heart picked up the pace in my chest and my body started to shiver.

  What did he mean I could dance for him?

  Chapter Four

  “You’re leaving with me.”

  MORGAN

  I tried to steady my feet against the floor but it was no use, Pierce’s strength continued to glide me across the room as if I weighed nothing. “Pierce!” I hissed to the back of his head, trying to break free of his grasp without causing a scene. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  He glanced back at me with annoyance. “What does it look like I’m doing, princess? You want to stay here and take your clothes off for a bunch of fucking assholes then you can take them off for me.” His touch tightened on me as he pulled me through a red curtain on the other side of the wall. “What? My money isn’t as good as theirs?”

  I rolled my eyes when he released me too roughly but I regained my balance before the six-inch heels I had forced my feet into toppled me over onto my half exposed ass. “Pierce, stop being a prick,” I snapped as he tossed his tall frame down onto the red sofa on the other side of the space. “You aren’t funny.”

  “Who’s laughing?” he snapped with a dark expression.

  I couldn’t believe what a dick he was being. He was pissed off that I left Emery without so much as a goodbye. I got it but did he really have to show up here and ruin my life because of it? My thoughts flashed back to a moment I had witnessed weeks ago between Pierce and Emery. I had walked in on them in the living room of the house Pierce shared with his brothers; Pierce had his arms around my best friend and was comforting her.

  There had been nothing sexual about the exchange. Pierce was just trying to be there for her. It was innocent and pure, just like everything else about Emery, but it still stung for reasons I still refused to allow myself to fully understand. Everyone always wanted to be there for Emery and everyone always wanted me to be there for myself. I wasn’t envious; I liked it that way, but sometimes out of nowhere the loneliness would hit me all over like a ton of bricks.

  The fact that Pierce was here to look out for everyone else besides me suddenly pissed me off even more than I had been the last twenty minutes. His reasons were purely selfish. He didn’t care if he blew my life up in the process as long as he got what he wanted.

  “Fine,” I snapped, walking over to the clock on the other side of the wall and hitting the button that started the timer in the VIP box. “If you want a dance, I’ll give you a dance.” Sexy music started playing throughout the speakers that lined the wall and I slowly slithered toward the poll that was only inches in front of Pierce’s lap.

  “Morgan,” Pierce warned, his voice low and dark.

  No, fuck him.

  If he wanted to play so damn bad then I would give him a show.

  I moved my body up and down the pole sensually just like I had done almost every night for the past few weeks. “What?” I asked innocently as I slid my back up and down the cold metal stick behind me. “This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

  Pierce let his eyes travel up and down my body slowly, taking in every inch of my exposed skin, only pausing on the curve of my breasts in my neon green bra and the spot hiding just beyond my matching panties. It was the same exact color of the dress I had seen some bimbo wearing a few years ago when I had caught Pierce banging the shit out of here in the bathroom of some club. It had been exactly what I had been thinking about when I picked it out, ignoring the fact that the price tag was significantly outside of my budget. It was crazy how he was always on my mind, affecting my decisions, even when I didn’t want him to be.

  I pressed my legs together as his eyes lingered.

  I hated my pussy for growing wet.

  “Enjoying the show?” I whispered.

  My voice must have snapped him out of wherever he had been because his eyes grazed up to mine again and his jaw hardened as he ran his tongue back and forth over his bottom lip. “You know I’m fucking not, princess.” He leaned forward. “So stop.”

  “Are you saying I’m not attractive?” I knew he didn’t mean it the way I took it but I didn’t care. The thought pissed me off; no one was forcing him to be there. “Maybe you’ll like me better with less clothing, that way you won’t have to look at my face.” I reached around my back to my bra hook. “Will that make it better?”

  Pierce grabbed my arm and yanked me down next to him. “Cut the fucking shit, Morgan.” He pulled my bra straps back up and let his hands linger on my skin. “You’re leaving with me.”

  “No, I’m not.” I pushed him off of me and stood up, smoothing my hair down and backing away from him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have paying customers waiting.” I cleared my throat. “You know, people who are actually interested in what I have to offer underneath my clothes.”

  Pierce’s eyes were hard, dead. I couldn’t help but feel like I was getting a version of him I had never seen before. The Lucas brothers had been in my life from a distance for a long, long, time, thanks to Emery, and I had never seen Pierce look the way he did at that moment. As if he had nothing left to lose. It could have been that I had never made him that angry before but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it ran deeper than me, that he had walked into that club with a chip on his shoulder even before he had laid his claws into me. Something was wrong with him. Something bad.

  I wanted to sit down and pry, wanted to find out what had taken the small sparkle of emotion that had once rested in his eyes out of them and allowed the darkness of his soul to cloud them over. I cared about him as much as I hated to admit it. But Pierce Lucas wasn’t my problem anymore, lusting after him and wishing he saw me differently had done nothing but make my life miserable back home which was exactly why I had known when I left my old life behind that I had to leave him behind, too.

  He wasn’t anything to me anymore.

  I didn’t want him to be.

  “Morgan,” he told me softly but firmly. “Don’t disobey me.”

  Since when did he get all-possessive about me?

  His words sent a shiver up and down my body and hotness to the spot between my legs that I wasn’t used to. I ignored the sensation and held my chin up high into the air. Telling me not to do something was the surest way to make sure that I did it.

  “Pierce,” I said, refusing to look at him. “Go back home.” And then I pushed my body through the curtain and headed toward the next VIP box. I had to be strong now and leave him behind like I had intended. I had to do it for my family but also for myself.

  I hit the timer on the wall of the next VIP section and shot the bodyguard on duty a small smile. “Just give me a minute before you start the music, okay?” I asked, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

  He titled his head up into the air. “Long night?”

  I forced a smile. “I feel like it hasn’t even started yet.”

  “Want me to get another girl to cover?” He had been on a few other nights with me, always nice and respectful, unlike some of the other guys I had been forced to deal with working here.

  I shook my head. “No, I can do it.” I closed my eyes and pushed all thoughts of Pierce Lucas out of my mind, allowing the same mask I always used to get through my shifts to slip over my face. I wasn’t Morgan anymore; I was Jasmine, sexy and fearless.

  I snapped my eyes open and tore the curtain back, walkin
g inside just as the music started. The man sitting on the couch was middle-aged with already greying hair and a body that reeked of alcohol. He had clearly come for a good time, ready to cut loose after a hard week. I recognized him as a regular the girls had warned me could get a little loose with his hands.

  Lovely.

  He smiled broadly as the music picked up and my body started to move with the beat, revealing a set of teeth that looked like they hadn’t seen a good brushing since he was about fifteen. I cringed as he started to undress me with his eyes but forced my body to steady. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to this, I reminded myself.

  Still, as I pushed myself up and down against the pole I couldn’t help but feel like I was having a harder time than usual slipping into character. Other nights I had been able to slither and slide against the men in front of me without feeling any emotions at all but at that moment I felt like I was two seconds away from bursting into tears.

  Fucking Pierce.

  The man who was enjoying the show groaned slowly, letting his smirk deepen even further. “God, please tell me you’re going to take those panties off,” he moaned loudly, not bothering to watch the words that came out of his mouth.

  Most of them didn’t.

  I ignored him and kept my routine going. It was clear that he had started to grow anxious and impatient, drunk men didn’t like to wait, especially when it came to getting off. And I could tell just from the look on this ones face that he was headed in that direction. The thought of him thinking about me later on while he touched himself made my mouth fill up with bile right away and I had to use all my self-control to force the liquid back down my throat.

  “Come closer,” he whispered as he gestured down to his lap.

  One look confirmed that his dick had started to grow inside of his pants, so big that how turned on he was had become pretty damn obvious. I closed my eyes and slithered closer. The last thing I wanted was to go anywhere near that thing.